Can We Fix It?

This post was inspired by ChrisRusso's post on Proselytizing

I have an idea, a really good one. After visiting my parents for the past week, I had this startling realization that people need one thing to peacefully co-exist: successful, mutually-respecting communication. Yes, I know that this has been tried, even multiple times, without effect. But here's where my idea comes into play.


When you are talking to someone, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you care about his/her existence?
• Do you want him/her to listen to you?
  
• If your conversation with him/her was the last time they ever spoke, could you remember it? Not at all, mostly, or word-for-word?

"Active listening", a technique I learned in my early college days, introduced me to people, places, and ideas that I once shunned by default (family values are difficult to combat). I was easy-going by nature, but I craved answers to what makes people different, and active listening gave me those answers.

My family is falling apart again, which brought me to the conclusion that the pattern here is not impossible to reverse if we can only learn to listen to each other. As I don't wish for this negative energy to affect my future relationships (as it has some in the past), I have spent the past few months attempting to convince various family members to adopt active listening skills. Can we fix [family problems]? Yes, we can!

To switch tracks slightly, my personal convictions (powered by my faith in one all-powerful, loving God) tell me that every individual is capable of giving, and equally-deserving of receiving, unconditional positive regard, which is the root of love. When you respect someone, you want good things for them, and studies show that you feel more self-confident and responsible when you assume this approach. Read more here. The greatest irony of unconditional positive regard is that you do it for you; most people consider self-serving behavior 'sinful' or 'classless', but I think it's a necessary element of social interaction.

My greatest strength/confidence comes from my faith, and I like to believe that this is evident at even the lowest level of my character (e.g. saying "Please" and "Thank You", opening the door for someone). I trust myself to do what is right, and with this trust I eliminate a few distractions: fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of harassment, etc. So why is there still a problem? In spite of a one woman's struggle for successful, mutually-respecting communication, there is still a bug. Yep, and I bet you can put your finger on it if you really try...can you look at that finger and realize you may be part of the problem?

ChrisRusso's challenge: "So try to convert someone today, and let them try to convert you. I don't care what the topic is, but the more important the better."

My (extension to ChrisRusso's) challenge: Actively listen to what someone else has to say!